Use business language clearly, concisely, and correctly
Type your the original sentence as well as your revised sentence. Be sure to make your paper adhere to strong readability standards.
1. Be Specific A. Have you thought about joining a student club? If so, we are organizing an information session to orient you to our club.
B. A pizza party will be held in the business building on January 29 to introduce you to the club.
C. This meeting will provide a lot of information about reasons for joining the club.
D. All of our regular meetings are at the Marriott next to the business school.
2. Be Accurate A. Supply chain management is the fundamental competency that determines success in today’s business world, and by joining the SCMC club, you literally have success in your hands since so many major businesses will need your services.
B. All SCMC club members learn to market themselves more effectively by joining the club.
3. Use Short Sentences in Most Cases Cut these sentences by more than 50 percent. Use more than one sentence if necessary.
A. The purpose of the Supply Chain Management Club (SCMC) that we have here on campus is to support Supply Chain and Operations Management (SCOM) majors as well as other interested majors if they choose to gain a broader and balanced understanding of the opportunities, career paths, trends, and current burning issues in global supply chain management.
B. The Supply Chain Management Club (SCMC) is designed to help club members understand the critical and essential organizational function of global supply chain and operations management that creates and distributes products and services; measures their quality and instigates the processes whereby quality improvement occurs; and simultaneously creates nimble, streamlined, and efficient business processes and supply chains.
C. This critical business function is responsible for short-term survival and long-term profitability and growth of the organization in all types of businesses, such as large or small, manufacturing or service, or even for-profit or nonprofit.
4. Avoid Redundancy Remove redundancies and shorten these sentences.
A. Each and every semester, SCMC has facility tours, discussion panels, faculty interactions, and résumé workshops in order for our members to gain a glimpse into the real world of global supply chain management and the nature of this constantly evolving and developing business field.
B. There is an SCMC Placement Coordinator specifically directed to search for every possible job that you could apply for, and these jobs are placed on the SCMC website where you can view them anytime and anywhere.
C. The most popular part of the club that students like the most are the abundant events that are scheduled.
5. Avoid Empty Phrases Remove empty phrases and shorten these sentences.
A. It goes without saying that many of you want financial aid.
B. It can’t be stated enough how much these extra skills can enhance your qualifications to be a supply chain manager.
6 Avoid Wordy Prepositional Phrases Rewrite these sentences to reduce wordy prepositional phrases.
A. Skills acquired in these special-interest groups can be placed on your résumé in conjunction with other skills developed in your studies from the SCOM major.
B. One of the great opportunities you have as a member in the club is the opportunity to be in touch with the SCMC alumni group, which gives you a networking chance with people already working in supply chain management.
7. Use Action Verbs When Possible Rewrite these sentences to include action verbs.
A. The Supply Chain Management Club (SCMC) is extremely practical with many career options.
B. These events create a big impact on your future career by giving you the opportunities to gain exposure to real-world professionals.
8. Use Active Voice Rewrite these sentences to use active voice instead of passive.
A. Plant tours and speeches by supply chain professionals are constantly being scheduled for SCMC club members to attend.
B. A speech is always given by an important industry professional.
9. Use Short and Familiar Words and Phrases Replace uncommon words with familiar words and phrases.
A. These jobs are in a plethora of industries.
B. In today’s globally interconnected economy, prowess in global supply chain and operations management is the benchmark of the great manufacturers, retailers, and major companies, such as Dell, Walmart, Southwest Airlines, Toyota, and Bank of America.
10. Use Parallel Language
Rewrite these sentences so the language is parallel.
A. SCOM skills and competencies make one a better accountant, better at financial analysis, better as marketing manager, or even better at managing human resources or managing infor
mation technology for a company.
B. In the software group, you can learn statistical software programs such as POM for Windows, Excel Solver, ProcessModel, and SPSS as well as learning mapping software such as MapPoint
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